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Are you a friend front of faces but a hater behind back?


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#1 Hot*Treasure*in*the*Snow

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Posted 10 January 2013 - 03:17 PM

As we get older and grow up we should be mature and change our behaviour. Do people actually learn anything from childhood during they grow up? Does people just turn talking to behind backs? Front of you they say nice things and behind they say another kind of things. Are you a friend front of faces but a hater behind back?

For example on school students are nice to teachers but behind their back they talk bad things about them. Also adult age students.

Edited by snoweye, 10 January 2013 - 03:18 PM.


#2 MichaelD

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Posted 10 January 2013 - 03:32 PM

Nope I always call a spade a spade if I dont like ya I will not waste a second of life on you and if you ask me I will tell you to your face. I dont want any second guessing & it makes life a whole lot easier. Why talk behind your back when I can flame you to your face !

Edited by mjdibatt, 10 January 2013 - 03:33 PM.

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#3 Kim4ever

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Posted 10 January 2013 - 07:21 PM

I will say what I feel, hurting people along the way cos I'm too frank, which is probably why I have more enemies than friends. Its mean but I'm being me! Like it or lump it.Posted Image
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#4 jandari

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Posted 10 January 2013 - 10:33 PM

What is a measure of a true friend...?
A friend will tell you what you need to know,
and not what you want to hear.
If you're a very secure person..what
people say behind your back won't
affect you any longer.
In fact, what others think of you..is none
of your business.
You know why we have our "backs"..
so that we leave behind all that
is past..and a "face" to go forward to
where we want to be..what we want to
become.
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#5 shar0n

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Posted 11 January 2013 - 01:18 AM

It is difficult to pretend to like a person even though I hate him/her. However, I can act pretty well but its exhausting. For me, what u see is what u get.
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#6 i.am.me

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Posted 11 January 2013 - 05:24 AM

When I don't like someone it is very apparent. However, I will admit that I also have friends that I gripe and vent about. Why am I still friends with them? Because people aren't perfect. I will not throw away a friendship with an otherwise good friend just because they have different lifestyle choices from me. My silence about their choices should be enough to show them I don't care for certain things they do. I vent to other friends about them because they won't listen to me and I don't understand why, so I seek other's opinion. I normally only have venting actions when others annoy me beyond reason with their current drama. Or only want to do what they want to do...while I consider a productive Sunday watching movies on Netfilx. That's when I retreat into my study carrel lol...

Some things are other peoples choices that we should not judge or voice to their faces---they are not going to change! If I can help it, I just try not to say anything unless it really upsets me...then I tell my BFF, my brother lol

Edited by iampheng, 11 January 2013 - 05:25 AM.

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#7 Hot*Treasure*in*the*Snow

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Posted 11 January 2013 - 03:50 PM

What is a measure of a true friend...?


Thanks for the asking it is being in a same side. As long as you are in a same side, you always end up to sit next to each others no matter what is going to happend. Because you have a common goal.. To not shake your tightrope too much, you both want you both stay on tightrope and not to drop each others butts down. (except if there is lot of pillows waiting and nobody is afraidPosted Image )

A friend will tell you what you need to know,
and not what you want to hear.


Actually nobody is that perfect that she or he as a friend would -know- what her/his friend "-needs-" to hear.. There is no such a thing. Actually it is only what she/he does want to tell to a friend. "You need to hear that" etc. is just an excuse to load all the negative thoughts of a friend. Which means they are friends with wrong people. If you don't accept your friend or want to be some kind of god or life coach to your friend... You don't know what is friendship.. It is not coaching or changing people better than as they exist.

In fact, what others think of you..is none
of your business.


It sure is my business what my friend thinks about me. Because if she does not like me I don't need her around me. She would only hurt me by her words and actions.

Edited by snoweye, 11 January 2013 - 03:52 PM.


#8 nomad 822

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Posted 11 January 2013 - 04:49 PM

I hear what OP is saying, but also nod along to what iampheng is saying, as well as alexann.
IF I deem them in the category of 'friends', then yes - I accept them as they are.

And I much prefer to have 3-5 'friends' than 100 'NOT-really what I deemas true friends on my FB ... so FEW actually get inserted into my FB page (and a couple of friends don't even like FB a/cs, so they aren't even there)

I have different groups of friends of the type iampheng is talking about too .... and all our lifestyle choices, goals etc etc are different.
Friends also complement and appeal to the different parts/interests/values/experiences that make up Me.
Some of these common 'friends' may all be my friends but bec they're all so different.
ie Different friends probably may not even be able to stand each other in the same room because they are quite polar opposites (for eg: one is big into shopping, spending big and buying nice stuff for every aspect of her life - cars, clothing, home, lifestyle, travelling etc. ... and another is as spartan as they come, doesn't even use hair conditioner, and will walk 10 blks just to save on $2 on parking).

But one thing they both have in common - they're smart and observant, humorous and we 'get' each other (ie when you say A, the other person does not think B or not get it at all) and basically are kind/considerate.

Then there is that grey area where you can appreciate SOME qualities of a person or at least know they have 'good' underneath that abrasive, unhelpful veneer they present to the world ... but you also know they can be major users and have qualities you don't like.
Once I am aware of some qualities that are undesirable (even by general population standards, not just my personal preferences) .... I try keep the 'user part' at bay for my own self-protection. Esp if they repeatedly keep asking for favors - non life threatening ones to them which no one else wants to do, and which they know is a major inconvenience to me ... but works out for them).

ie We can relate on those levels that we totally connect with, or have common shared experiences/insights/philosophies about some things which bond us .... but it does NOT mean I endorse or can appreciate their other opportunistic or hidden agenda tendencies or whatever qualities I don't like.

And yes ... if I KNOW or sense why some people are being nice (ie it's fake).... I too can just as hypocritically put on my 'nice mask' or just take them at surface value.
Happens all the time with a couple of highly competitive colleagues at work. Avoidance does not work, they will come by and dig me out. and they're not being just nice ... the purpose is to fish for info.

Ditto iampheng .... even if I keep quiet about some things I definitely do not approve of .... I can't be speaking out all the time, or shooting down ideas or opinions ... it just creates unnecc antagonism and bad vibes in the workplace. But to me, these people aren't really friends category. And often they offer suggestions and ideas which only benefit THEM but not the general population, other staff or clientiele.

So I still keep my normal nice and friendly self with them, as I normally do with most folk ... but with these colleagues or people like that, it's really is more a 'mask' because I know the claws that lurk behind their interest in me or in anything.

And through the extra special unconditional ways I go out to help un-related others ... they can also indirectly see what kind of person I genuinely am - even if I keep them at bay.

Doesn't mean I can't be nice too .... but my guard is up with such folk ... because I have/had already seen then on another context and observed aspects of her, or how she treats others (badly, unethically, unscrupulously ... or also that selfishness and endless greed in a person which reveals a lot, as to the extents they're willing to go).

All of which tells me tells me 'so and so' is faking it. Or that her/his interest in me and her questions are all beating around the bush to lead up to something else. And since it's not pleasant being 'fake' either to cope ... better to avoid these folk as far as possible.

Sad ... as we get older and wiser we're more aware of these things, and way less naive. It's self protection.
High school friendships were way more genuine and easy.

Edited by nomad 822, 11 January 2013 - 09:28 PM.

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#9 Meow ♡

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Posted 12 January 2013 - 09:06 AM

No. I hate two faced people. They scare me with their sweet talks and fake-ness.

"If you're gonna be two faced, at least make one of them pretty."
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#10 CloudyDreamer

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Posted 13 January 2013 - 04:07 AM

I had a best friend. He was always a good guy. Someone I can confide in and depend upon. I was the same to him.

Then he started dating this girl and although I didn't like her or thought she was good for him, I remained supportive of him.

When I started dating a girl, he didn't like her and I got no support from him. At times, he was downright rude to her.

Over time, it became apparent that maybe we didn't know each other that well and that we had drifted apart and became different people.

It just goes to show that no matter how much you think you know someone, you really don't. People tend to project their own realities onto others when the truth is very different.

I am not sad about it anymore because sometimes you have to remove cancerous people from your life.
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#11 Hot*Treasure*in*the*Snow

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Posted 13 January 2013 - 07:29 AM

It just goes to show that no matter how much you think you know someone, you really don't. People tend to project their own realities onto others when the truth is very different.


I agree with this. Sometimes even we try to look signals of something they are well covered and we just have this odd feeling that everything is not as great than is said.. And sometimes after years we find out that our feeling was right..

#12 CloudyDreamer

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Posted 13 January 2013 - 09:25 AM

I agree with this. Sometimes even we try to look signals of something they are well covered and we just have this odd feeling that everything is not as great than is said.. And sometimes after years we find out that our feeling was right..


So what is the solution then? Be authentic and be ourselves? What if yourself isn't good enough or more importantly? What if your true self isn't good enough for that person you are trying to impress the most?

I'm a firm believer that sometimes you have to fake it until you make it. That doesn't necessarily mean to be totally fake but maybe put a certain spin on ourselves or present the best of ourselves. Love is about distorting reality in a way. When one falls in love, the brain behaves the same as though you were taking a drug.

#13 Hot*Treasure*in*the*Snow

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Posted 13 January 2013 - 09:37 AM

So what is the solution then? Be authentic and be ourselves? What if yourself isn't good enough or more importantly? What if your true self isn't good enough for that person you are trying to impress the most?

I'm a firm believer that sometimes you have to fake it until you make it. That doesn't necessarily mean to be totally fake but maybe put a certain spin on ourselves or present the best of ourselves. Love is about distorting reality in a way. When one falls in love, the brain behaves the same as though you were taking a drug.


Idea of finding a right person next to you is that she or he loves YOU! Your true you and that is in you what makes her/him addicted to you Posted Image That is the only L o V e that I know, only thing which means something.. That you become loved just the way you are right now, today, on this second. Without you have to pretend anything.. You are just you, with your best and worst sides. Because when you step over the edge of the flaws and you still love that person, over everything.. That is love..

I never tried drugs but it I agree, love is like addiction.




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