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do you guys ever yelll at your mom?


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#1 lovetofu

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Posted 30 May 2008 - 03:19 AM

i feel guilty and bad sometimes for yelling at my mom...
but it just irritates me so much when she yells at me and
she doenst yell at my other siblings...i just get so angry, i explode at her..
i know this is bad but i really cant help it...
its not my fault and she always picks on me....i really hate it
i tell her about this but she doesnt care nor listen.

is this normal?

#2 shadow711

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Posted 30 May 2008 - 03:29 AM

everyone has their limits, you cant hold it in forever

if my mum was being unreasonable and started yelling at me then i would usually... well not yell but "talk back"

#3 Big_Boss

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Posted 30 May 2008 - 03:32 AM

Yes its normal. I normally dont yell at her sometimes but rather talk in a loud voice. Its because when when it comes to making decisions she chooses the really stupid ones, then I counter with the question "then how is this going to work if X happens" then she stops for a moment, thinks, then realize her decision was wrong and she gets on my side afterwards and says "oh yeah your right!". This has been going on a lot lately, I guess its because shes getting old lol.

#4 Telemachus

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Posted 30 May 2008 - 03:47 AM

I yelled at mom several times cause she was being unreasonable and kept yelling at me for things I didn't do. One time I had to defend myself cause she almost cut my eye using a pillow (The zipper part was quite sharp, it cut under my eye, that's when I had to stop her)

#5 Dark Link

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Posted 30 May 2008 - 09:14 AM

I have on several occasions. Not my proudest moments.

#6 el_rey

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Posted 30 May 2008 - 10:02 AM

Its your fault and you can help it.

How can someone that "explodes" say "its not my fault"...okay say your mom is going psycho in say a store i work at...im going to explode cause i reached my limits and punch your mum. Then when im in court i'll say "It aint my fault...i can't help it"...if only it worked that way.

It is partly your fault, you can help it...the end

O yes i do yell at my mum ... when i was small lol. Now im older i have the common ability most people (i hope) develop which is patience and understanding...which are attributes to maturity.

So no i don't yell at my mum or dad anymore, because i can help it...when i want to explode i won't. Theres obviously limits to my patience but before i was like you, now i losen'd up :P

#7 Hot*Treasure*in*the*Snow

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Posted 17 February 2013 - 11:07 PM

Rarely. I have done it about twice - 3 times/ my whole life... If I yell I yell for reason.

#8 Linnh

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Posted 17 February 2013 - 11:51 PM

I rarely do it, or I mean I have arguin with her many time before, but it always makes me fee bad and I start crying, so I learned to just keep quiet and calm when she yell at me, and let it slide.

#9 jandari

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Posted 18 February 2013 - 01:01 PM

No and Never. I'm lucky to have a MOM who is cool and loving.
She's not the type that screams or way dramatic..so there
isn't alot of dramas growing up. She's been always supportive
of me, my sisters and brother..and loves my Dad to death! ha ha ha
It hurts me to see people screaming at their Mom..for whatever reason
they might have for doing so.
Why not tell your Mom how she makes you feel bad when she yells at you?
Have a heart to heart talk with her...are you the eldest?

Edited by jandari, 19 February 2013 - 08:01 AM.


#10 Kim4ever

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Posted 18 February 2013 - 07:46 PM

I wouldn't say yell, just giving her some lip back!Posted Image

#11 SassyViet

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Posted 19 February 2013 - 12:25 AM

How old are you? I'm guessing you're very young, probably mid- twenties or younger. However, if your mom is highly controlling she can be this way even when you're much older. Except if you were much older, you would learn a different way to cope with her i.e. keep silent and ignore her.

In the rare situation when you're a product of a R/S she didn't care for or you were unplanned and she's angy b/c you've been holding her back, it's her personal issue. Most of the time this is not the case, it's usually b/c you have a strong personality and stand up to her.

this is a clash of personality. Your siblings are probably more docile or better at controlling their emotions. The more you try to "explain" it to her the more argumentative and rebelious you seem. I don't know the kind of things you argue about so I can't say she's right or wrong. I, myself, was a strong-willed child and looking back, my caretaker (my uncle -while very controlling and has many shortcomings) was right in many things mainly relating to social situations. I would have learned many things if I listened. However, when it came to careers, I was better going it on my own. So it's hard to give you any specific advice when I don't know the specific things you argue about.

So things like career, it's very hard to get good advice from a parent, but as for social things, I have to acknowledge their experience and wisdom. Maybe you can give some specific examples here so we can help you better.

#12 Ait Wang

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Posted 21 February 2013 - 02:03 PM

My first, hope our last argument with Mom was last December.

#13 nomad 822

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Posted 21 February 2013 - 06:28 PM

Yup for me ... it had to start with yelling as a rebel-teen to get my points and perspectives through. My stubborn mom can talk a storm, and I can't get through otherwise.

But prove it to your folks by forging your own paths and showing them what you're capable of (that it's not just talk)... do NOT just throw tantrums or argue for the sake of winning, like some whining kid. They will see your pt eventually.

Yell yes, but explain why the need. Communicate ... even if it is by yelling (which is unfortunate, in my case).
I am just as stubborn and determined about many things and can be very unyielding about BS, even as I am paradoxically easy-going and able to step into other people's shoes.

Learning to establish you own negotiation paths and terms with your parents by the time you turn 20s is important. I didn't see that in my teens ... I argued a lot, but it was a stupider type of arguing without an end-goal logic or pattern~direction to it.

You respect them, they will also learn to respect you.

There are many qualities in my mother that I do not like nor will ever endorse ... and will even call her out on it (only to still hear huge denials even as she is gradually admitting to some faults these days).
But yet I can also see inversely many awesome qualities my mother has, which I can only hope to maybe only half-have when I am finally her age.
for eg: I have seen her selfless Florence Nightingale qualities ... for a great-grandmother, for her sick dad (although she has many siblings who never took on the responsibility), for my dad's cancer journey = and honestly, I don't think I will ever have that same endless patience or enduring longterm ability to self-sacrifice to that (indefinite) extent.

I am also glad I have the chance to see other families/ and other countries ... bec only then can you realise how precious yours family/country is.

At the end of the day ... though we may argue endlessly .... my mother still knows I love her dearly, and I definitely know vice-versa. I spend all year picking out her many thoughtful Christmas and Chinese NY gifts, and I am always thinking of her as and when I see anything I know she will definitely like or will not buy for herself although she likes it (bec it's crazy-expensive, or plain frivolous).

These days .... we just agree to disagree if I don't see things a certain way.
Even if I can see, I may not agree or simply cannot agree.
And my mother is proud of me/my opinions these days, and can see me living perfectly well and capably, even if it might not be her previous 'ideal' of how everything should be for me. She is also pretty amazed at how calm I can be going about problem-solving .. it's just she never gave me the chance to, when I was in her household.

And so at some pt, I have even brought my folks round to seeing why certain beliefs and stereotypes and habits they hold so dear or think I should also adhere to etc etc don't work, or shouldn't work anymore. Not even if these beliefs have been perpectuated for years. In turn, I will also take the move to admit to being wrong, if indeed my mother's 'nonsense' was indeed right.

Or been proven right why some gossipy friends or aunties or people are real flakes and snakes, over time.

Edited by nomad 822, 22 February 2013 - 04:02 AM.


#14 MichaelD

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Posted 21 February 2013 - 09:06 PM

Don't yell ,, use reason because one day you will wake up and mom won't be there !

#15 HeTieShou

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Posted 21 February 2013 - 09:24 PM

Don't yell ,, use reason because one day you will wake up and mom won't be there !


Yup and sadly many don't realize that until it is too late....

#16 nomad 822

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Posted 21 February 2013 - 09:25 PM

I totally agree ... that's what keeps me biting my tongue more and more these days, and telling my gfs who "hate" their moms/their mother's quirks that one day no one will be there who knew you since dirty-diaper, snotty nose days.

Realisation has gradually dawned since my dad passed on ... and with the passage of time .... that one day, that one Chinese dialect my mom and I communicate with (+ English) ... gradually there's no one I can comfortably gabble away in it with.

#17 MichaelD

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Posted 21 February 2013 - 09:33 PM

Trust me there is not a day that goes by I don't miss her and regret a ton of stuff I never said ! So yea catch your breath count to 10 bite your tongue WALK A WAY but don't yell or hate !

#18 shar0n

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Posted 22 February 2013 - 01:40 AM

My mother and my personalities are so different. We are not good friends and we always argue since young. Living apart will minimise conflicts.

#19 SassyViet

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Posted 22 February 2013 - 03:14 AM

My mother and my personalities are so different. We are not good friends and we always argue since young. Living apart will minimise conflicts.


Some people will be forever hard to love b/c of their own bagage. You do what you can to be a good child but it feels like obligation and not love.

#20 shar0n

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Posted 22 February 2013 - 03:39 AM

Some people will be forever hard to love b/c of their own bagage. You do what you can to be a good child but it feels like obligation and not love.


your right.

Edited by shar0n, 22 February 2013 - 03:40 AM.


#21 MichaelD

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Posted 22 February 2013 - 02:15 PM

b*llsh*t get over yourself this woman gave birth to you fed you loves you! At least you can do is love her back. Now if she is a total b*tch and abusive to you than yes you have every right to hate.

#22 MichaelD

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Posted 22 February 2013 - 05:34 PM

I totally agree ... that's what keeps me biting my tongue more and more these days, and telling my gfs who "hate" their moms/their mother's quirks that one day no one will be there who knew you since dirty-diaper, snotty nose days.

Realisation has gradually dawned since my dad passed on ... and with the passage of time .... that one day, that one Chinese dialect my mom and I communicate with (+ English) ... gradually there's no one I can comfortably gabble away in it with.


Any time you want to talk ;) I will listen so sorry for your loss.

#23 nomad 822

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Posted 22 February 2013 - 06:07 PM

There are some folk who just see everything perhaps too black/white, hold too many unnecc grduges .... and hence that's why there's resulting baggage.

eg 1:
1) a 20-something bf back then ... who grudged his mother bec she fed him congee everyday at lunch (noon) ... and he had to take a 1h school-bus ride to and from from afternoon school.
He said the congee made him want to throw up daily, at the end of the journey. And resented a dozen other things mom did for him, that was not right. At that time, I sympathised along with him, bec yes his mom could come across as harsh sometimes.

Basically he repeats this pattern with every new gf, hoping to get into a warmer 'adopted' family with his vulnerable tales of woe. I still see it happening.

With maturity ... I choose to see his unforgiving gripes thus.
Change that mindset.
How about thinking that his mom at least bothered to make the effort cook for him, instead of throwing him a cold bun or something simple ... or simply giving him $5 to buy his own lunch? Ditto for other things she did, that didn't meet his expectations.
But his mom - basically grew up herself pretty streetwise, completely without a mother ... so upon understanding that, to me the fact she knew how to care for her kids was not from example. More kudos for effort.

eg 2:
a 40-something that goes around saying her mother is controlling.
but looking at her (ie the 40-something) ... and how she can be an out of control (high-end) shophaholic ... has she ever credited mom with equipping her with enough education so she could get to where she is?
and when she sold her house ... her lawyer mother was nit-picking through the paperwork, and again the resentment over 'control' and interference.
How about re-thinking how mom was trying to safeguard her interests, and also make sure her assets were protected from daughter's new partner?

Easy to say I know. But at some pt (and hopefully with maturity) .... kids have to step back, and try see why.

What stems from 'love' may come across as suffocating ... but accept that not everyone (ie parents) expresse love in the same positive ways, but only in the ways they know how.
Just as inversely, we're all NOT perfect children and do 100 things wrong and hurtful.

Edited by nomad 822, 22 February 2013 - 06:13 PM.


#24 SassyViet

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Posted 22 February 2013 - 10:58 PM

Your parents are a product of their upbringing. There is love where there is sacrifice. I knew my mother did not deprive us of any material things and cared about our material needs. Emotionally it was completely the opposite. I was always in fear and not in love with her. For example, I was bullied in school or my things were stolen. When I told her, instead of standing up for me and helping me prevent it from happening again, she would yell how stupid I was for letting these things happened to me and even got beaten for losing my things. This kind of treatment clearly did not foster closeness. Never a hug or kiss (but that may be common in Asian families, I don't know). I learned to shut up an cower like a scared animal, quite timid always afraid I would do something wrong. She passed away in my early adolescent. I don't know if I our relationship would change after I became a woman but as a child, I never felt close to my mom. She must have been emotionally abused as a child.

I knew she loved me b/c she made sure we never went without any needs or wants. She put our needs above her own. That was how she was raised, probably emotionally abused and bullied into giving up her own needs for others and acted out her resentment on me.

I'm too old to blame my problems on my caretakers nor do I now use it as an excuse not to care for them b/c afterall without them, I wouldn't be here today. Surely someone who grew up with an emotionally healthy caretaker has an advantage in life but children are resilient and they move on but the scars are always there.

#25 MichaelD

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Posted 23 February 2013 - 01:01 AM

You need a little err a LOT of hugs man that sucks. I was beat down emotionally also it really just sucks the life out of you. I know you don't want to hear this but your right she prob didn't know any better so you suffered for it then and you do now. All I can say is let go and let love any and all love find you :)