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Do you think life is tough for the guys?


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#81 i.am.me

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Posted 24 January 2013 - 09:11 PM

Some people need to come up with their own opening lines....

Clearly many on this forum (not just this thread) entirely aren't going to believe what they can't see with their own eyes--begs to ask, how big is your world? Nobody on the forum knows one another in real life (I don't think anyway) so I wonder why we are always disbelieving perfectly possibly circumstances (Violence, ONS, child support). I understand that a site like this gets lots of visitor and lots of traffic, but some of you guys have been here a long time. Hasn't it been long enough to build trust among one another?

Edited by iampheng, 24 January 2013 - 09:12 PM.


#82 MichaelD

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Posted 24 January 2013 - 09:26 PM

I agree but when you know it all ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ well you get what I mean darlin :)

#83 DrBroscientist

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Posted 25 January 2013 - 02:08 AM

Nobody on the forum knows one another in real life (I don't think anyway)


I think I know you. Is your name Pheng? Posted Image

#84 DrBroscientist

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Posted 25 January 2013 - 07:01 AM

I think that basing a generalization on the experience of a few (how many is that exactly?) divorced friends may not reflect the wider reality. I think there are more than likely far more women who are outside of your experience who really struggle to get support. There are plenty of men who duck their responsibilities, who aren't conveniently where they are supposed to be when they don't pay, and who don't have a responsible attitude towards caring for their child.

Etc etc


And exactly what are you basing your responses on?

#85 Hot*Treasure*in*the*Snow

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Posted 25 January 2013 - 07:43 AM

You can marry a girl based on virginity. For me, I will marry a girl who has substance over form. I rather have someone who has a good fit with my status, intelligence and personality than a good fit with the sexual parts.


You said you already are married. Is your wife all that?


Status? How about love?

Guys life is so easy they don't have to think about love...

But would not sex would be boring if parts does not fit? Or would you look elsewhere?

#86 teddyc

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Posted 25 January 2013 - 07:54 AM

Bro if you don't opt for a DNA test and she says you're the father, then you pay. Likewise, there are cases where men have been married for years and decided to do a paternity test and found out the child is not theirs. In those cases the men STILL have to pay child support because they are legally responsible for the child even if it's not theirs at that point.

And when did I say I expect to marry a virgin?


Agree fully with the latter part. It's unfair but true, even if the kid isn't yours, if your name is on the birth certificate, you're the daddy, and you pay child support even if you're wife and child go back to the guy that got her pregnant. However, I disagree with the first sentence. You're on the hook for child support if and only if you refuse to take a paternity test ordered by the courts, then you may be liable for child support. The court also needs to serve you with the papers in person. If they can't locate you, they can't serve you with the papers, and if you did not receive personal service for these papers, good luck with the paternity test. You either have two choices, move around other states living under an alias like so many dead beat dads or move out of the country. I have friends that did the latter as they had a choice between paying alimony (not child support), or go to jail. Their kids were well into adult hood and child support no longer applied.

I think who mjdibatt is describing are your average frustrated chump who has a job, not a lot of savings, abides the law yet doesn't know enough of it to protect himself. They want to be responsible dads, and just want a simple family. Unfortunately these are the victims of our legal system because they don't know the law well enough to protect themselves and they can't afford to have a team of matrimonial lawyers on speed dial. Too bad, so sad, but that's just how the legal system works in this stupid country.

Edited by teddyc, 25 January 2013 - 08:10 AM.


#87 DrBroscientist

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Posted 25 January 2013 - 08:27 AM

United States. Census Department. Custodial Mothers and Fathers and Their Child Support: 2009. By Timothy S. Grall. Census, 2011. 05 Aug. 2012 [http://www.census.go...ubs/p60-240.pdf].

which says, amongst other things, that among the 6.9 million custodial single parents who were awarded child support in 2009, only 41.2% received all of the child support money that was due.

that leaves 60% who only received partial or no payment of child support. This is broken down further as:


29.6% of custodial parents received some of the money that was due.

29.2% received none of the child support money due.

so when we look beyond very small examples based on personal experience and go to the statistics we see a slightly different picture emerging.


So basically 29.2% don't receive child support. The other 70.8% either receive full child support or only partial. The reasons for partial afaik may simply be because the other parent can't afford to pay anymore due to lack of income. The reasons for those who don't pay child support is not stated. Are they broke? Have they fallen ill? Etc etc. Likewise this seems to be a gender neutral account. That is, the 29.2% who don't pay child support include both sexes. Even so, two thirds of the population paying child support is a huge number.

Agree fully with the latter part. It's unfair but true, even if the kid isn't yours, if your name is on the birth certificate, you're the daddy, and you pay child support even if you're wife and child go back to the guy that got her pregnant. However, I disagree with the first sentence. You're on the hook for child support if and only if you refuse to take a paternity test ordered by the courts, then you may be liable for child support. The court also needs to serve you with the papers in person. If they can't locate you, they can't serve you with the papers, and if you did not receive personal service for these papers, good luck with the paternity test. You either have two choices, move around other states living under an alias like so many dead beat dads or move out of the country. I have friends that did the latter as they had a choice between paying alimony (not child support), or go to jail. Their kids were well into adult hood and child support no longer applied.


Isn't that basically what my first sentence said? "Bro if you don't opt for a DNA test and she says you're the father, then you pay."

#88 DrBroscientist

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Posted 25 January 2013 - 09:27 AM

30% of 6.9 million is a hell of a lot of people.

thats 2.3 million single PARENTS - lets assume the national average of 2.5 children per parent that makes 5 750 000 children who are not supported by child support payments.


That still pales in comparison to your earlier allusion to the amount of deadbeat dads. That also includes both genders so if we assume half are female then only 15% are deadbeat dads. If we take into account dads who genuinely cannot afford to pay child support then that even further lowers the proportion of deadbeat dads.

#89 MichaelD

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Posted 25 January 2013 - 08:02 PM

I think that basing a generalization on the experience of a few (how many is that exactly?) divorced friends may not reflect the wider reality. I think there are more than likely far more women who are outside of your experience who really struggle to get support. There are plenty of men who duck their responsibilities, who aren't conveniently where they are supposed to be when they don't pay, and who don't have a responsible attitude towards caring for their child.



It isn't about whether or not I trust or distrust a statement. It is that most people talk from their own personal experience which is often rather small. Case in point this very conversation. Are nationwide statistics being quoted? Statewide stats? Nope the opinion is based on the experience of a 'few' personal friends. That completely excludes the experience of anyone outside of his immediate circle of friends who may have a totally different experience.

Just expand the potential experience to include the people on this forum ... given the attitude expressed by many guys in various threads, do you really think that some of these guys would step up to the plate and respond in a mature and responsible fashion if the condom broke during one of their conquests? Your first battle would be to get the @rsehole to reply to a phone call, let alone acknowledge that the child is his. Given the general lack of respect for women these guys have you would be made out to be sl-t (pretty much his opinion once you have given it up anyway because despite EVERYTHING he may say to the contrary in his world nice girls don't and sl-ts do) and it could be anybodies but his child.

While the law may have more teeth in some places than others - I still think that there are still a lot of women who have difficulties with child support.


Nope not a generalization at all,,,,what do you know,, you dont live in New Jersey. I only speak to that and what goes on here.

#90 teddyc

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Posted 25 January 2013 - 09:14 PM

Isn't that basically what my first sentence said? "Bro if you don't opt for a DNA test and she says you're the father, then you pay."


You first response sounded like if you don't do the test, requested by the girl, you're on the hook. She needs to go to court and have the courts order that. The courts need her to present a case where there's beyond a reasonable doubt that you're the father before they're order the paternity test. Essentially, if you have a one night stand with a chick, get her pregnant, and she can't find you, it will be very difficult for the courts to put you on the hook even if the chick knows who you are.

30% of 6.9 million is a hell of a lot of people.

thats 2.3 million single PARENTS - lets assume the national average of 2.5 children per parent that makes 5 750 000 children who are not supported by child support payments.


That's a bad assumption. Single parents include parents who are divorced, widowed, and unintended pregnancy. Child support payments are mandatory in a divorce or you end up in jail, or you'll end up as a police dodger all your life. Widowhood is a legitimate reason not to be receiving child support. Unintended pregnancies may partially support your postulation as one reason for children not supported by child support payments. But using the national average to calculate this number is unreasonable. If a woman gets pregnant by a irresponsible man once, she's cheated, so shame on him. Woman like this are very defensive and have their guard up when they look for a second guy, if they ever get a second guy with that baggage she's now got, but assume she gets hooked up and has a second kid and the guy runs away, she's cheated yet again, shame on him. But if you use your assumption of 2.5 kids, she's having more than 2 kids, meaning she's on her third guy and still gets dumped. She's obviously not doing her due d properly or she's just a wh*re. This time, shame on her!

#91 DrBroscientist

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Posted 25 January 2013 - 11:57 PM

actually the number of men who get custody are far and few between. Since when (since you have so much knowledge) do 50% of men get custody?


I said let's assume. ASSUME. I agree, men get the shaft when it comes to child custody.